When You Have To Change Your Mindset & Your Goals

Learning to change your mindset and make adjustments can be tough!

Right now I am supposed to be hiking up a mountainside.

I’m supposed to be exhausted and excited. Covered in sweat and listening to at least one teenager complain that they are tired.

I should be sitting down, watching the ocean, and listening to the quiet. Unplugged. Connecting with nature surrounded by my family, Max included.

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This is where I should be. But I’m not. 

Instead, I am sitting here. Struggling with feelings of guilt and anger.

Have you ever had a major goal that you’ve worked towards for a long time and then for some reason that is out of your control NOT been able to reach it?

It’s devastating.

I’m a crier. I cry when I am happy. I cry when I am sad. I cry when I am mad, frustrated or in sympathy to others. I cry.

I shared about how hard I’ve been working to overcome fear, dealing with setbacks and working hard to reach my goal of doing this hike as a family. You can read that here. 

I also mentioned I had an appointment with someone who will tell me if my knee can handle the hike or not.

When I left my appointment last week I was numb.

I really, REALLY thought he’d do “his thing” and send me on my way up the mountain. The goal we’ve been working toward for over almost a year.

Almost to the date of this picture being taken. 🙁 

A year of planning. Training. Picking up the pieces of gear as it went on sale. We reserved our cabin as soon as we could and planned the kid’s school year to finish the week before.

How was I going to look at my family and say it was all for nothing? Just throw out “Sorry. It’s a no-go because my knee can’t take it right now.” and move on?

(I get teared up just typing that.)

Because the truth is…

This is NOT the first time a family trip we planned, saved, packed for once canceled because “mom couldn’t hack it”.

Oh, I know getting hurt and getting sick is mostly out of my control. And I know other people have it worse.

But, what you KNOW and what you FEEL don’t always match.

The facts are there are a lot of family trips, fun activities, and amazing adventures my family have missed because of ME.

And it gets old. And the guilt gets heavy.

I often wonder, How my kids will remember me? Will remember me as the mom who dances in the grocery store or the mom who is “always sick”?

As a mom, it is a valid fear. How many of us have planned events, trips, and outings with the thought that our kids are going to hold on to these moments of special memories? *raises hand*

Here I was once again making a choice that I didn’t want to make. Audulting is hard. 

At first, I tried denial.

I tried to convince my family to go anyway. I can handle it. I’ve handled it before. The pain can’t be worse than last time. I really, really, wanted to go. 🙁

But…my husband has common sense when I don’t.

We talked about how active we are as a family. I walk every day and we do hikes as a family as much as possible. One of the jobs I do I need to be able to walk.

What was the risk? Was I willing to cause more damage? Was I able to lose 6 weeks of pay? What would the true cost be? Not just money but physically? What message was I sending my kids?

Arugh! I decided to cry, eat chocolate and plan.

Because when you have to change your goals. You need to change your mindset.

I scraped the old plan and started a new one.

The first goal is to strengthen my knee and find out why the heck it is happening.

I hit the gym 4-5 days a week but had gotten sick and missed a month. I need to get back to it.

He also gave me some stretches to do that I can do at home.

The kids think I look like I am trying to go potty in mid-air. Lol! But whatever it takes to make this work.

Because I wasn’t giving up! Moving forward was the only way to keep going. 

Next, he told me to continue hiking but take note of what I was feeling and when.

How did I feel doing these stairs?

I did these last weekend.

I took my time. Listened to my body and more importantly what it was trying to tell me.

Changing my mindset from “push through no matter what” to “listen and adjust accordingly”. This wasn’t about getting old. It was about being injured and working with my body NOT against it. 

I was happy to hear that I could keep hiking. 

I really enjoy getting outside and use it as a form of self–care and to connect with my husband and kids.

I needed to remember WHY I wanted to enter the woods and do something so hard.

Some of the best conversations happen deep in the woods, taking photos and exploring nature. 

I find sometimes I need to go back in order to go forward. Go back to my why and focus on finding my joy again! in order to move forward and be inspired to keep going!

The last thing he told me was to drop my sneakers and get real hiking footwear.

I am REALLY picky about footwear. I left the office and headed to our local stores. He recommended Merrel’s Womens Hiking Shoes (Moab 2)  with a really good insole.

Confession: I don’t even know what is considered “A really good insole”. Help! 

I was also looking at KEEN Women’s Durand Mid Waterproof Hiking Boot. 

But neither were in our store 🙁 I’ll need to keep looking and researching. If you hike and have a favorite boot/shoe, let me know! ♥

UPDATE: I ended up purchasing Eddie Bauer Women’s Ridgeline Trail Pro hiking shoes. I was shopping for a clothing piece for my capsule wardrobe (read about that here!) and ended up with these awesome shoes instead. Ha!

I can’t wait to get out and try them.

By the way, one reason I purchased these besides the 60% off sale was that Eddie Bauer has an amazing wear and tear policy. I bought them in-store in a neighboring province, however, if you are ordering online, the ticket price is much cheaper on Amazon.com ⇒ Eddie Bauer Women’s Ridgeline Trail Pro

The Hardest Part

I kept it together until I told my kids. They took it like pros while I bawled.

My son was actually happy as he wasn’t looking forward to it. (lol!)  My daughter was okay. She’s been my biggest cheerleader and often my walking partner.  With me from the start!

It’s been over a week since I heard No.

I do my stretches and my 30 minute walks. We hit a hike and I paid attention. I am still shopping for shoes.

We are doing a little dreaming…We also found a hike that is 20 Kms of flat ground into a cabin. We might do that in fall but I am not getting my hopes up…one step at a time.

To say it has been a hard last few weeks is an understatement.

I don’t like change. My first reaction is to blame myself. I’ve shared my struggles with mindset before and I am still a work in progress. Inspirational stories from other working moms have helped me to keep going.

Aren’t you glad to know you aren’t alone 😉

I’ve kept my goal but it has shifted, refocused, and adjusted. It might not be as clear and clean as I want but that is what goals do.

But I’m choosing to focus on the good.  The months ahead are still looking great and by enjoying what I can do and working up to what I can’t-I am still moving forward. Maybe the scenic route will be just as amazing.

As I mentioned we had a rough few weeks but we did get some great news. You can click here to see how our life will be changing. 🙂

I’ll be sharing more about how we are preparing for our new bundle of joy. In the meantime, I am continuing my goal of walking everyday.

I am aligning that goal of getting active regularly, working on my knee, listening to body WITH getting Max properly socialized.

I was so busy socializing my kids, I forgot to socialize my dog 😛

Max LOVES people. His small body can not contain the joy.

Have you seen a Mini Schnauzer freak out in pure JOY? It can be earsplitting!

Fun at the dog park! 

I’ve discovered by changing my mindset, focusing on what is important and adjusting my goals, I can find JOY in the goals not yet reached 😉

How do you find joy again when life gets tough? 

Take care,

Jen

PS. The choice to keep going OR stop is hard to make. I hate making those choices. Reflection and going back to my WHY has really helped me move forward. ♥

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